Bloody Americans
by HyperKat
Summary: What happens when a bunch of Americans and your favorite characters from Harry Potter switch lives??? 0.o ((changed the name from Stupid American Kids to Bloody Americans, just in case your wondering. :-) ))
1. A Beggining to an End

American Kids  
  
Nothing's mine.except for the American students. Oh, and a whole lot of offense is to be taken for the remarks Ive made about Kevin and Jeff. HAHA! But none about Aaron or Christine, your both very cute and smart.  
  
Author's boyfriend- *clears throat *  
  
Ahem.yeah.  
  
American Kids-  
  
Harry is sucking his thumb. Ron is hyperventilating. Hermione is reading a book entitled "The Fear of Flying", desperately searching for airplanes and not broomsticks. Draco is unconscious (due to too many Mike's Hard Lemonades). Lee is hugging his knees and rocking back and forth. And a couple of stowaways in the cargo hold are having the time of their lives.  
  
"Hermione, why didn't you tell me that flying in airplanes meant actually flying in planes in the air?" Ron asks.  
  
"Well, I thought you might have figured that out for yourself." she says, her voice quivering.  
  
"You didn't know, did you?!" Ron accuses.  
  
Hermione laughs nervously.  
  
Meanwhile, at Hogwarts-  
  
The five American exchange students stare gaping at the Hogwarts castle.  
  
"Dude, do you think they're compensating for something?" Jeff asks Kevin.  
  
"Yeah, I bet they all have really small-"  
  
"Oh, come one, boys, your being gross. Don't judge them till you know them," Christine says to Kevin and Jeff in a squeaky blonde cheerleader voice. "Aaah!"  
  
Dumbledor walks out to them.  
  
"Now can we judge em?" Kevin asks, stunned.  
  
Dumbledor goes on explaining the rules and welcoming them to Hogwarts.  
  
****************************************************************  
  
Author- Hey, hey.  
  
Dumbledor, in the background- Blah,blah,blah.  
  
Author- Yes, well while Dumbledor is "Explaining" stuff to them, I will describe these 5 little American buggers to you. Jeff is short. His brown hair is short. If eyes had a height, his brown eyes would be short. And his IQ is short.  
  
Author- Kevin. Hmmm..How do I explain Kevin? His hair is reddish brown, his eyes are dark and his attention span is similar to that of a rodent. He has a record of getting spit in the eye for attempting to seduce some girl at summer camp.  
  
Author- Aaron- Heh, hes blond haired, blue eyed, and is sometimes compared to Justin Timberlake........'s dog. *evil laugh *  
  
Aaron- Hey!  
  
Author- Hey, to you too, cutie! Okay, now on the the brighter side of the species.The girls. Christine has blonde hair, blue eyes and if lightbulbs were intelligence, I'd have to say she's about a 2 wat. Katie, on the other hand, is brilliant, beautiful, daring, and- *some guy takes the mirror out of her hand *  
  
Author- Gotcha. Katie's pretty average looking. Dark brown hair with blonde highlights. Bluish Green eyes. Shes got about the common sense of sauerkraut and-  
  
Some guy- The intelligence of a potato-  
  
Author- More like a carrot, but, hey. Okay, lets get on with our minimum wage duties.  
  
****************************************************************  
  
"Blah, blah blah, blah." Dumbledor continues. "Oh, yes, and blah."  
  
Crickets chirp. Blink, blink.  
  
"Well, Since the Sorting Hat's strike hasn't ended yet, I'll be putting you all in Gryffindor." Dumbledor says and walks off.  
  
"Is that some sort of slang for *censored *?" Kevin asks.  
  
"I don't know, but I hope their Math course isn't that hard." Katie says, staring at Jeff's butt. ((A/N Yes, Jeff, Katie thinks you have a very nice butt. MWAHAHAHA!)  
  
"Me too." Christine says in a twinkie voice.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the ranch-  
  
"Ive come to get your eggs! Ah-hahahaha!" Billy Bob yells.  
  
The chickens look at Billy Bob, terrified.  
  
And back to our Wizarding buddies-  
  
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco and Lee are standing outside, waiting for their luggage and getting rained on.  
  
"This is where were supposed to wait, right?" Lee asks.  
  
"WHAT?" Harry yells.  
  
"I said, this is where were supposed to wait, right?"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"I said, THIS IS WHERE WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT, RIGHT?!?!" he yells  
  
"HUH?"  
  
"Rrrrr..*thunder bolt covers up the word* OFF, HARRY!"  
  
Later, while their inside near the luggage deliverer-thing.  
  
"I didn't mean to wait outside like that.." One of the flight attendants says, covering them in blankets.  
  
"W-w-w-w-w." Hermione says shivering.  
  
"Where are you kids from, anyway?" she asks.  
  
"W-w-w-w-w." Hermione began again.  
  
"Washington, Eh? I have a cousin from there."  
  
Draco looks at her in disdain.  
  
Back at Hogwarts-  
  
The 5 buggers sit at the Gryffindor table at the Great Hall at dinner.  
  
Dumbledor stands up and clears his throat.  
  
"I'm glad you all seem to be enjoying yourselves." Dumbledor says and nods at Kevin, who's mouth is full and chicken is falling from his lips. "But I have some introductions to make. There are 5 new foreign exchange students here with us-"  
  
"Were not foreign, were American." Katie whispers to Aaron.  
  
"And I'm sure you will all make them feel right at home." Dumbledor said and the students cheered.  
  
"First, there is Kevin."  
  
Kevin stood up and as the Hall got silent, he said, "Hey, girls, I'm single!" The food shoots out of his mouth and hits Colin Creevey.  
  
"HEY!" Colin says, wiping the turkey from his forehead.  
  
"Wh-what?"  
  
"You- you just got all this turkey on me!"  
  
"Um, its not my turkey."  
  
"What are you talking about, you just spit it out on me!"  
  
"Lier." Kevin sits down.  
  
"And then the second student is Jeffrey." Dumbledor says.  
  
Crickets chirp.  
  
"Please stand up, Jeffrey." He requests.  
  
"I am standing up!" Jeff yells and jumps up and down and waves his arms around.  
  
"Ahem, yes, well the third student is Aaron."  
  
Aaron stays seated.  
  
"Stand up, buddy." Katie says.  
  
"But.you know whats going to happen." Aaron says sadly.  
  
"They wont laugh, I swear it."  
  
"Well."  
  
"Go on up, you big baby." Kevin says and shakes his head.  
  
Aaron reluctantly stands up and the whole hall, even the teachers, for no apparent reason, bursts out into a huge laughter.  
  
"Whats so funny?!" Aaron screams and starts crying.  
  
"Wh-what.." Jeff continues laughing and wipes a tear from his eye. "What IS so funny?"  
  
"I dunno, man." Katie says "But whatever it is, it sure is hilarious."  
  
The Hall settles down.  
  
"The 4th new student is Christine." Dumbeldor announced.  
  
"Wahoo! I'm Christine!" she yells in a preppish voice as she jumps up and does some cheerleader poses.  
  
"Well, hello ChrisTINE," Dumbledor says while checking her out. "And the 5th and final foreign exchange student is Katie."  
  
The whole Hall breaks out into a huge cheer. Dudes whistle and throw flowers at the beautiful girl's feet. Chicks turn their heads in jealously as boyfriends longingly left their girlfriends and-  
  
Some guy- That is NOT how it happened!  
  
Author- Oh, come on! Whos telling the story here, heh?!  
  
Some guy- You are.  
  
Author- That's right. Now-  
  
Some guy- But that's NOT-  
  
Author- Hey! Don't make me get my spatula!  
  
Some guy- No spatula!  
  
Author- :- ( Oh, fine then, Mr.Spanky!  
  
Katie stands up and noone really seems to care except for some girl who seems to be gay.  
  
"Wow, you know that girl isnt half bad looking!" Pansy Parkison says to some other person.  
  
"Hi, Im George, this is Fred." George says to all of them and introductions are made around the table. "If you 5 are going to be here instead of our old mates, your going to be needing to assume their duties."  
  
"Duties?" Aaron asked.  
  
"Yeah," said Fred. "Like George, Lee and I were partners in crime. And Harry, Ron and Hermione were the dream team and well, Draco.he just kinda hung around and snogged with Pansy a lot."  
  
The whole table looks over at Pansy who is licking her lips at Katie.  
  
"That's disturbing," Katie says and the rest nod.  
  
"Well, split yourselves up," Fred says. "Whos going to be Harry, Ron and Hermione?"  
  
Jeff and Kevin grab on to Katie's arms, eyes glancing back at Pansy, obviously quite disturbed.  
  
"Okay. Whos gonna be our 3rd wheel?" George asks.  
  
Aaron runs over, leaving Christine to deal with Pansy.  
  
"Aw, but.that's not fair! I don't want to be Blake-o!" Christine says sadly in a high pitched, preppy-  
  
"Listen you little snot, I don't need to sit here and listen to you criticize my voice!" Christine says, seemingly to no one in an annoying cracking high pitched mousy voice.  
  
Crickets Chirp.  
  
BACK IN AMERICA-  
  
"Hello, Welcome to McDonalds. Can I take your order?"  
  
"I want a chocolate frog and a few pumpkin pasties, a-" Lee begins.  
  
"Sir, we serve artificial beef patties here, not frogs or pumpkins."  
  
"Um, yes. Well, I want a chocolate frog and a few pumpkin pasties." Lee repeats.  
  
"Sir, once again we only serve half beef, half cardboard burgers here. We don't carry those items."  
  
"Let me take care of this, commoner," Draco says and pushes Lee out of the way. "I'll have you know that my father is-"  
  
"I really don't care who your father is, your holding up the line."  
  
"Okay, fine," Draco takes out a book and looks up some words in 'English'. "Yo, G Dawg homie G yo, wassup? What's hanging, bro, you G money?"  
  
Crickets chirp. ((A/N- Imagine Draco doin the hand thing and saying G money. O.O HAHAHA!))  
  
"Are you planning on ordering, sir?"  
  
Draco looks up some more words. "We would like a cheeseburger.No cheese."  
  
"So you want a hamburger?"  
  
"No, a cheeseburger, no cheese."  
  
"Sir, what is it exactly that you want?"  
  
"Okay, okay. Give us a cheeseburger with no cheese but don't wrap it because were hungry and want to eat."  
  
"So that's an order of fries and an orange soda?"  
  
"What?! What your name?"  
  
"Jill Moore, why?"  
  
"I'd like to speak to your supervisor."  
  
"I am the supervisor. I don't really like your attitude, young man, I-"  
  
"FORGET IT!" Draco turns at his heel and walks off toward Wendie's. ((A/N this whole thingie is from an Aaron Carter CD))  
  
Later, while paying at Wendie's.  
  
"Sirs-" the cashier begins.  
  
Hermione clears her throat.  
  
"And ladie's- I cant accept these coins, we don't take that kind of frequency."  
  
"But- its only a sickle and two knuts," Ron said, confused.  
  
"What did you say to me?" she looked at the bunch incredulously.  
  
"He said they were a sickle and two knuts, why cant you take them?" Harry asks.  
  
The cashier blinks. "Security!!!!!!"  
  
Later, in jail-  
  
Okay, picture this-  
  
Hermione is smokin a cigarette. Her hair is done up in cornrows and tied back with a bandana. The rest of em are scared stiff.  
  
Some girl in the back walks over to them. "Okay, whose gonna be mah hooker?!" ((A/N Okay didn't say the bad word. I want to keep this as kid friendly as possible))  
  
Everyone blinks.  
  
"What?" Draco asks.  
  
'Whos gonna be mah hooker???"  
  
"I will!" Harry volunteers. "I don't know what it is, but it sounds fun!"  
  
Ron, Lee and Draco look at Hermione.  
  
"Does that mean you guys are MY hookers?"  
  
Ron- 0.0  
  
Lee- 0.0  
  
Draco- :-)  
  
Back at Hogwarts-  
  
Ron and Harry, Errr.I mean, Kevin and Jeff are desperately trying to learn this whole chess concept.  
  
"That George guy said that Ron and Harry are always playing chess," says Katie, who has stolen Carol Brady's aqua net to poof up her hair.  
  
"But."Kevin whines "Cant we just play with Mr. Winky???"  
  
"Ahem, no. Mr. Winky is on vacation right now, Kevin, you'll have to put it on hold."  
  
"Damn," Kevin and Jeff say in unison.  
  
Some guy- Are we done yet, Author?????  
  
Author- I guess weve dragged it on enough.Hey, whats your name, anyway, kid?  
  
Some guy- Mark. O.O  
  
Author- *visions of monkey bars* DIE MARK! *chases Mark around with a pitchfork*  
  
A/N- I just want to thank Book-luver-210, your mah homey G dogg, man! LOL. G/L, hope u get reviews.  
  
Well, come back next time! If there is a next time that is. Because if there is a next time I don't really want to spend all this time type type typing away at a desk all day 4 nothin for there to be a next time and you not do anything about it. Okay, well..Bye! Luv, Peace, Afro grease!!!!  
  
~*~Katie~*~ 


	2. The All American Chapter

WELCOME BACK TO..BLOODY AMERICANS!  
  
This story is mine.cuz I wrote it, but erm. Uh, the whole Hogwarts thingie, thats not. That's somebody elses. You know, that lady. *drools*  
  
When we last left our wizarding friends-  
  
Hermione- O.O  
  
Harry- O.O  
  
Ron- O.O  
  
Draco-O.O  
  
Lee- O.O  
  
Now, lets see how our American brethren are holding out-  
  
Kevin, in a whiny voice- Uhhh, I cant figure this chess crap out!!!  
  
Jeff- Well, maybe we can think of something else just as productive to do with the pieces.  
  
Kevin sticks a pawn in his ear.  
  
Jeff- Your so smart......  
  
In the SCR-  
  
Pansy- So, now that your Draco, I just want to get one thing straight!  
  
Christine-And what is that?  
  
Pansy- Me. 0.o  
  
Christine- 0.o  
  
Meanwhile, somehwere else in the castle-  
  
Aaron- Okay, now what are we doing here?  
  
George- We are waiting for someone.  
  
Aaron- Who?  
  
Fred- Honestly, must we tell you everything?!  
  
Aaron- We-  
  
Fred- Shh! Shh, theyre coming!  
  
Aaron- Who?!  
  
Alicia, Katie B. and Angelina walk down the corridor.  
  
Alicia- Man, he is so cute!  
  
Katie B.- Yeah, if you carry around a microscope.  
  
Angelina laughs and says- Well that red-haired one got chicken on my robes!  
  
Katie B. and Alicia, all girlie- Ewwww!!  
  
George and Fred hop out and throw a bucket of white powder all over them, then run away.  
  
Alicia-AAAH!  
  
Katie B.- AAAH!  
  
Angelina-....  
  
Katie B. blinks and Alicia pokes Angie.  
  
Angelina- Huh? Oh, AAAH!  
  
Aaron kind of just stands there.  
  
Alicia- Did you have something to do with this, uh. "Lee"?  
  
Aaron- N-no, um, I didn't do anything.  
  
Katie B.- Aww, your so cute!  
  
Aaron- Er, I am?  
  
Katie B.- Yes! You are, you know, I think were going to have to give you a "special treat".  
  
Aaron- What?  
  
Angelina- Yeah, I think you deserve our "special treats".  
  
Jesse & Chester- Weak.......  
  
Aaron- Kool.so what are these "special treats"?  
  
Alicia- Oh, you'll see..*evil grin*  
  
BACK IN AMEEEEEEERICA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-  
  
Mrs. Author-Ma'am- O.O  
  
CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA  
  
Mrs.Author-Ma'am- EDWIN!!!!!!!!!!  
  
CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA  
  
A little dweeby English boy runs across the stage and trips and falls flat on his face.  
  
CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA  
  
Mrs.Author-Ma'am- *twitch*  
  
Edwin gets up and runs over to her- Yes, Mrs. Author-Ma'am-Sir-Boss-Pooh- Bah, would you like a spot of tea?!?!?!?!  
  
CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA  
  
Mrs.Author-Ma'am- Fix this, Edwin. NOW.  
  
Edwin- Yes, master, right away, master!  
  
Edwin starts running around in circles and runs into Mrs.Author- Ma'am.  
  
Mrs.Author-Ma'am- And he came so highly recommended. Nevermind, we'll just-  
  
CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA-CA  
  
Mrs.Author Ma'am- *whacks the record and it stops* keep on going with the Americans. THIS IS THE ALL-AMERICAN CHAPTER!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
In the janitors closet-  
  
Angelina- Ooooh, Lee imposter-  
  
Katie-Yeah, there we go.  
  
Alicia- Mm-hmm...  
  
Aaron- *whimpers like a dog*  
  
Angelina- Is he a fire engine red or a juicy peach passion?  
  
Aaron sits, tied to a chair with blush, lipstick and eyeshadow on with his hair done up in curlers.  
  
Alicia- Definitely peach! Look at his complexion!  
  
They proceed in painting his nails.  
  
Aaron, thinking- "Special treats." Grrr.I should have known!  
  
GCR-  
  
A weird kind of beeping is heard in the corner of the GCR.  
  
Katie, Jeff and Kevin- *looks up, down and side to side*  
  
Katie stands up and walks over to the *Harry Hotline!!!* phone.  
  
((A/N- WHAT is the Harry Hotline phone, you ask? Well, it's a little duplicate of the Powerpuff Girl's telephone, but with a Harry Potter logo on it. CHA!))  
  
Katie- Hellloooooo...?  
  
Guy on the phone- Hello? Hello! Quick, put Harry on the line! Its urgent!  
  
Katie turns around- Er, uhm."Harry," telephone..  
  
Jeff hops up and strikes a pose- THAT would be me!  
  
He runs over to the phone- Hello? Its me, the one and only, Harry Potter, uh.the boy who lived.with a lighting shaped scar, who saves the day on a daily basis. Harry Potter, me. I'm Harry.yes?  
  
Cricket, cricket.  
  
Guy on the phone- Yes, right. Um, okay. Well, Harry! We need your help!  
  
Jeff, heroically and somewhat maniacally- NOTHING IS TOO BIG! WHAT DO YOU NEED?!  
  
Guy on the phone- A sandwhich!!!  
  
Cricket, cricket.  
  
Jeff hangs up the phone.  
  
Jeff- I don't know how this Harry character deals with this.  
  
Katie- Um, guys, don't you think we should be at the library about now?  
  
Kevin- For what?  
  
Katie- You know, for that.THING.we have to do..?  
  
Jeff- What thing???  
  
Katie- You know, you know. The important..thing...  
  
Jeff and Kevin- 0.o  
  
Jeff- *gasp* OOOOOooooooooh, the "THING". Well we can do that here, cant we?  
  
Katie- But uhm, they're watching..  
  
Kevin- Who?  
  
Katie- *looks at you*  
  
Kevin- *looks at you*  
  
Jeff-.? *looks at you*  
  
Kevin- Who the uh."bloody hell" is that?  
  
Katie- Its- the audience.  
  
Jeff- :-/..*drools* Who?  
  
Katie- The audience.  
  
Katie- *looks at you*  
  
Kevin- *looks at you*  
  
Jeff- *looks at you*  
  
Katie- No issue.  
  
The three start making out.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
YAYNESS! For the like.4 people who actually said they were waiting for it ((yeah right.)) there ya go! I hope u do more than print it out and use it as toilet paper. But hey, your business is your business.  
  
BYE!!!!!!!!  
  
Katie, the one and only!!! 


End file.
